Thanksgiving 2010

Thanksgiving defined: thanksgiving [ˈθæŋksˌgɪvɪŋ (US) θæŋksˈgɪvɪŋ]

n

1. the act of giving thanks

2. (Christianity / Ecclesiastical Terms)

a.  an expression of thanks to God

b.  a public act of religious observance or a celebration in acknowledgment of divine favours

While my husband and I are spending Thanksgiving together with no other family it has afforded me some time to contemplate. This may sound melanchology or morose . . . but really it isn't.  It is just a deeper experience of gratitude, thankfulness.

As I was crocheting a beaded necklace I found myself thinking of some of the choices I have made in my life that did not turn our like I expected.  And some of those had some very big consequences for myself . . . and for those I love and care about the most.

At the time of those decisions I was quite confident things would turn out just great. 

Everyone would win.

The problem was  that I was too self-reliant, too self-dependent.  I had the strength and stamina of youth and was quite capable and believed I could do and accomplish anything I chose as long as I had the perserverance and self-discipline to stay the course. . . . . and I did have those things . .. . for quite a long while.....

Another part of the probem was that I lost sight of the original goal. 

My need for the accolades of accomplishment from the world to fill my need for validation diverted me from my original goal/plan. 

And Ultimately ----  I failed at both.  

Both completing my original goal and any lasting validation from the world.. . .

I hear the LOUD buzzer of defeat:  Annhh !!! --- Wrong Answer !

Failed. . . . once aGAIN !

When am I gonna get this right???

And the TRUTH hit me.

Only in hindsight am I able to see -

Only in hindsight am I able to understand ---- what I did and why . . .  and why it didn't work the way I thought it would.

I had listened so long to the world and it's "logical" solutions to the issues of life.

Lord knows there are plenty of self-help books and gurus out there to spend a lifetime wasted in reading and trying to do as they say only to discover that their solutions are temporary at best and  deeply depressing at worst.

While self-reliance, independence and automony are great worldly values and great attributes to bring to the work place, they are not at all valuable when it comes to finding the the real, eternal, dependable, life-long confidence and security that I long for deep in my soul.

It is good that through these experiences I was forced to look and deal with my own pride, lack of self esteem and fear of financial insecurity and,  to, more importantly resolve those issues and discover  two very important things.

1. Safety, Security, Validation, Love, can only come from my Creator.

    And then, only in my personal relationship with Him.

2. Forgiveness for the damage done to others (big or small) in my selfish quest for a place in  

    this world can only come from my Creator.

   And what glorious, wonderful redemption He provides.

I found the perfect song on You Tube that expresses my eNORmous gratitude.

         "I know how hopeless feels  ...
          when you're staring at the bottom of an empty hole (heart) ...
          when the hands of love touch a broken heart ...
           I know how healing feels
          ......................all my chains have been lifted
          ......................all my pain and all my shame
          ......................and all my tears have been erased.

          ...............................................    It feels like Redemption."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vxCNx5LY5c

Feels Like Redemption   Michael English

I know how hopeless feels
when you're staring at the bottom of an empty hole (heart)
In my life I know how forgotten feels
wondering if the world even knows who you are

But I've never known anything, felt anything
like the love of Jesus
but it's hard to describe what's happening inside
but right now all I know is. . . . .

It feels like redemption raining down on me
feels like forgiveness come to set me free
all my chains have been lifted
'Cause when the hands of love touch a broken heart
it feels like redemption

Now I know how thankful feels
'Cause I'm overwhelmed by the Gift of His Grace
And I know how healing feels
'Cause all my pain and all my shame
And all my tears have been erased.

It feels like redemption raining down on me
feels like forgiveness come to set me free
all my chains have been lifted
'Cause when the hands of love touch a broken heart
it feels like

Say goodbye, the past is ending
Say hello to a new beginning
No more night
The sun is shining

It feels like redemption raining down on me
feels like forgiveness come to set me free
all my chains have been lifted
'Cause when the hands of love touch a broken heart
it feels like redemption

I cried out to the Lord, He heard my cry
He healed my heart and He touched my life
And it feels like redemption

Say goodbye, the past is ending
Say hello to a new beginning
It feels like
It feels like redemption

Credits: Mizell, Sam (Songwriter); West, Matthew (Songwriter); SONGS FOR LULU (Publisher); WORD MUSIC 
 , LLC (Publisher)

This song brings deeper meaning when you learn that Michael English (a Christian musician) wrote this song after having had an affair and his wife divorced him.  There was no reconciliation with his wife.

 re·demp·tion   /rɪˈdɛmpʃən/    Show Spelled[ri-demp-shuhn]    Show IPA
–noun
1. an act of redeeming or the state of being redeemed.
2. deliverance; rescue.
3. Theology. deliverance from sin; salvation.
4. atonement for guilt.

I am grateful that I have lived long enough to be able to look back in hindsight and have a greater understanding of my life . ..  and to correct my thinking . . . to change . . . to be forgiven and understand more clearly why I need forgiveness. 

Understanding WHY I need forgiveness serves only to INCREASE my gratitude that forgiveness is available and even possible.

I am grateful for the forgiveness, the redemption that my God provides.  I only need to ask for it and it is given to me.

His Hands of Love touched this broken life.